The countdown that used to feel far off is now measured in days. Meanwhile, your child, who has been hyperfocused on this moment for the past two years, seems withdrawn and irritable. If they are about to leave for college and the mood at home has gotten harder to read, you are not imagining it. Something big is coming, and everyone in the house can feel it.
I'm Brooke Sundin, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. I work with teens and young adults moving through anxiety and big life changes, and with the parents trying to figure out how much to step in. The move to college is one of the largest transitions a family goes through. There is a lot you can do to make it easier, and it's not always intuitive.
What you need to know: The transition to college isn't a single moment with a clear start and finish. It builds through the summer before your teen leaves and peaks in the first few months on campus. For some students, it lasts well into the first year. Some anxiety along the way is expected, and how you respond to it matters more than trying to prevent it.
The 7 tips at a glance:
The most useful thing you can do is help your teen trust that they can handle what is coming, not convince them that nothing will go wrong. You cannot reassure a teen into being ready for college. Readiness is built by overcoming difficulties, and leaving home is often the hardest thing they have done.
It helps to think about what the transition actually asks of them. A teen headed to college is about to live with a stranger and build a social life from scratch, while at the same time taking over the daily logistics a parent used to handle and keeping up with their coursework. It is a lot to carry, and they often struggle to tell you what is really weighing on them.
Many teens worry about things that feel embarrassing to admit: not making friends right away, feeling lonely, questioning whether they chose the right school, or falling behind in their classes. Some are afraid that if they tell you they are struggling, you will worry, or think they are failing. What they need to hear is that they can share the messy parts of the transition without feeling like they are letting anyone down.
Parents carry their own version of these fears. Alongside the usual worries about safety, good decisions, and whether their teen will ask for help when they need it, there is usually one quieter fear: will my child be okay when I am no longer there to step in?
Here is the hard part and the reassuring part at once. Once they leave, you cannot control their safety or their decisions from a distance. What actually protects your teen is the judgment they have practiced and a relationship that feels safe enough that they can call you when something goes wrong.
The activities that help most are the ordinary tasks you have probably been handling for them:
Practical skills matter, but the one that matters most is knowing how to tolerate discomfort and problem-solve when things do not go as planned. College requires teens to navigate uncertainty, advocate for themselves, recover from mistakes, and ask for help when they need it. Every task a teen takes back is practice for that.
This holds just as firmly at 17 or 18 as it does earlier, which surprises a lot of parents. Confidence comes from facing challenges and discovering, "I can handle this," rather than from being told everything will work out. I discuss where confidence actually comes from in more detail in my post on teen self-esteem, and few challenges test a teen's confidence like leaving home.
The transition can run for months, but the part you can prepare for is short, and it comes before your teen leaves, not during the move itself. In those weeks, let them get things wrong while you are still down the hall. A missed appointment or a blown deadline is a manageable lesson now, and a much bigger problem during finals week. Your job is not to prevent every stumble but to stay close enough to help them through the ones that come.
It is also worth deciding together, before they go, what staying in touch will look like: how often you will talk, what counts as an emergency, and how much they want you checking in. There is no magic number, and it helps to stop looking for one.
What matters more is what your check-ins are actually doing for your teen. A weekly call or a steady thread of texts that helps your teen settle and get on with their day is working. But if daily check-ins have quietly become the thing that calms them down, your teen may be leaning on the calls instead of learning to steady themselves. Setting this up as a conversation, rather than a default, keeps you from either hovering or going quiet, and it gives your teen a say in their own independence.
You support your college student by making room for what they are feeling instead of rushing to fix it. When your teen tells you they are nervous, the instinct is to reassure them, but "you'll be fine" tends to end the conversation right when it should be opening. Teens often need to feel understood before they are ready to hear encouragement or advice.
The difference that matters here is between reassuring a teen and validating them. Reassurance tries to talk the feeling away; validation makes it safe to have. Here is what that shift sounds like when the subject is leaving for college:
| Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|
| "You're going to be fine, don't worry." | "It makes sense that this feels scary. You're stepping into something new, and we can figure out how you'll handle the hard parts." |
| "You'll love it once you're there." | "What's the part you're most dreading?" |
| "You'll make friends in no time." | "Starting over with people is hard. What would help it feel a little less daunting?" |
None of those replies solve anything, and that is the point. It keeps you in the conversation long enough to understand what your teen is actually afraid of.
And if they keep venting, you do not have to jump to fixing it. One of the most useful questions you can ask is simple: "Do you want me to just listen right now, or do you want help thinking it through?" It hands the wheel back to them, and it saves you from solving a problem they only needed to say out loud.
Research on college students points the same way. More controlling, over-involved parenting is linked to lower well-being, while students whose parents support their independence tend to struggle less with anxiety and low mood.
Making room instead of fixing does not mean going quiet. The clearest message to send is a simple one: I believe in you, and I'm always here if you need support.
Anxiety is a normal part of major life transitions. As I often remind parents, homesickness, uncertainty, and even loneliness are not signs that something has gone wrong; they are common parts of learning how to build a new life. In the most recent National College Health Assessment, 30% of students said anxiety had gotten in the way of their schoolwork.
One study that followed first-year students found that 94% felt homesick at some point in the first ten weeks, and that for most of them it eased as the semester went on. A rough start, on its own, is not a reason to worry.
I pay attention to patterns. Is your teen still able to attend classes, maintain basic routines, connect with others, and experience moments of enjoyment? A bad week that passes is very different from a steady decline that does not. If your teen struggles over an extended period of time, it might be time to get help. Individual therapy is a great resource for teens who struggle with the transition to college.
How do you help a college freshman with homesickness?
Expect it, and do not treat it as an emergency. Homesickness is one of the most common parts of the first semester, and for most students it eases as they build a routine and a few connections. Stay in touch on a steady rhythm, like a standing weekly call, rather than reacting to every hard day or pulling your teen home. If it is severe or still not lifting after the first couple of months, take it more seriously.
How do you prepare an anxious teen for college?
For an anxious teen, the instinct is to smooth the path, but removing every stressor can backfire. Give them small, manageable challenges before they leave, like making their own appointment or spending a weekend away, so they collect proof they can handle discomfort. Say plainly that some nerves are expected and do not mean they are not ready. If the anxiety is already interfering with daily life, working with a therapist before the move can help.
How can a parent help their child make friends at college?
You cannot make the friendships happen, but you can help take the pressure off. Remind your teen that almost everyone arrives not knowing anyone, and that the close friends they have now were once strangers too. Encourage them to accept invitations in those first few weeks and to show up regularly somewhere, like a club, a job, or a study group, where friendships build over time. If making friends feels blocked by real social anxiety, that is its own conversation, and I have written more about social anxiety in teens and young adults.
When should a college student see a therapist?
A college student should see a therapist when the hard patch stops improving: distress that drags on or deepens, daily life slipping, or your teen pulling away from people entirely. Concrete signs worth acting on include not eating, not leaving their room, grades collapsing, or no social contact well into the semester. Most campuses have a counseling center, and working with a therapist who specializes in young adults is an option too. Getting help early tends to shorten the hard part.
The move to college asks a lot of your teen, and something of you too. Alongside the stepping back, you may be quietly grieving the house that is about to get quieter. That grief is real, and feeling it does not mean you are doing this wrong, so give it some room. You do not have to get every conversation right. You mostly have to stay in them, trusting that the person you raised can carry more than they think.
If your teen is heading to college with more anxiety than either of you knows what to do with, I offer a free 15-minute consultation for parents. We can talk through what you are seeing and whether working together, before or during the transition, would help.
About the Author:
Brooke Sundin, LMFT
Owner and Therapist at Light Minds Child and Family Therapy
Brooke Sundin, LMFT, has over ten years of experience helping children, teens, young adults, and parents navigate anxiety, OCD, self-esteem issues, and major life transitions. She currently provides telehealth therapy services to families and young adults across California, Tennessee, Florida, Utah.
Learn More About BrookeBased in Los Angeles, Brooke Sundin, LMFT, specializes in helping children, teens, young adults, and parents navigate anxiety, OCD, self-esteem issues, and major life transitions. As the founder of Light Minds, she combines over 10 years of experience with evidence-based tools to help clients get "unstuck." She currently provides telehealth therapy services to families across California, Florida, and Utah.
