How to Help a Child with Social Anxiety: 10 Best Tips from a Therapist

Takeaway: Watching your child struggle with social anxiety can be painful and disheartening. Thankfully, there’s plenty you can do as a parent to help them feel comfortable getting out of their shell. Here, I share my favorite strategies for how to help kids with social anxiety (including some I give my therapy clients). 

If your little one seems shy, nervous, or uncomfortable around others, you might feel powerless as a parent. It can be challenging to watch them struggle. You want them to feel free to be themselves and make connections with other people, and you've probably done everything you can think of to help them.

I'm here to remind you that you (and your child) are not alone. Many children struggle with social interactions, and with the right support, your child can feel empowered to face these situations with confidence.

As a children's therapist in Los Angeles, I specialize in helping socially anxious children find their footing. I know how hard it can be for your little one to navigate social situations and how difficult it can be to know how to support your socially anxious child. That's why I've compiled this guide for parents.

Let's dive in.

Understanding social anxiety in kids

Social anxiety is more common in children than you may realize. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly ten percent of American children are diagnosed with anxiety disorders.

Social anxiety disorder goes beyond shyness or introversion, though they can overlap. Some children are naturally less outgoing than others, and it's important to celebrate children's natural differences. At the same time, your child's anxiety can impact their quality of life if left untreated.

Here are some common social anxiety symptoms in children.

• Avoid speaking in front of others or participating in class

• Prefer to play by themselves

• Experience physical symptoms like blushing, shaking, or sweating in social situations

• Low self-esteem

• Overwhelming worry about social interactions

If you suspect your little one has social anxiety, I recommend consulting with a mental health professional. We'll discuss more about how therapy can help your child's social anxiety in this post, but for now, let's explore some coping skills you can start using to help your shy child today.

How to help kids with social anxiety: A guide for parents

Kids of all ages can struggle with social anxiety. Here, I'll share some developmentally appropriate strategies for young children and tweens or adolescents.

(P.S. Looking for even more tips for helping your child heal from anxiety? I encourage you to read Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens by Tamar Chansky Ph.D. (Author). It’s one of my favorite books on this topic, and one I recommend to many of the parents I work with in my therapy practice.)

Helping young children with social anxiety

While there's no quick fix for social anxiety in children, there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your child feel calmer in social situations. Here are some of my top tips.

1. Role playing. Practicing social situations with your little one can give them the skills they need to navigate real-life social interactions with more ease.

2. Act as a role model. Similarly, you can teach your child social skills by modeling calm, healthy interactions in front of them.

3. Deep breathing. Guiding your child through breathing exercises, like blowing on a pinwheel or pretending to blow candles on a birthday cake, can help them feel calmer.

4. Encourage expression. Let your little one know that it's okay to feel anxious. Invite them to let you know how they're feeling and listen without judging, criticizing, or trying to "fix" their feeling.

5. Ease into feared situations. Continuing to avoid social settings can intensify anxiety, but it's also important to mindfully increase your child's exposure. Work together to slowly help them get comfortable with situations they may usually avoid.

Hopefully, these can act as a helpful starting point for supporting your anxious child.

Helping young adolescents with social anxiety

Many of the strategies used with young children can also apply to tweens or adolescents who struggle with social anxiety. However, it's important to customize them for your child's unique situation and age. Here are some ideas.

1. Avoid rescuing them. Even when your child gets older, it can still be tempting to "save" them from uncomfortable feelings. While it's your role as a parent to protect them, it's also crucial for your tween to build independence and confidence. When possible, empower them to make their own decisions about social situations and hold yourself back from speaking for them in groups.

2. Set realistic goals. If your adolescent is ready to challenge themselves by joining a group activity or participating more in class, work with them to make a plan that feels within reach. Start with small, tangible goals, such as raising their hand in class once per week or committing to trying a group activity one time.

3. Let them be themselves. Your child may already feel shame around their struggle with social situations. Avoid comparing them to other kids or setting high expectations. Reassure your child that it's okay to be anxious and to go at their own pace, even if that looks different from their peers.

4. Offer coping techniques. Just like with young children, older kids can benefit from coping skills like deep breathing, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, or having a fidget toy with them in uncomfortable situations.

5. Focus on positive reinforcement. Instead of fixating on your child's symptoms of social anxiety, challenge yourself to pay special attention to the times that they expand their comfort zone, try something new, or use a coping technique to ground themselves. Positive reinforcement can go a long way in helping children build self-esteem and empower them to keep trying.

Try these strategies with your tween or adolescent and see which ones work best for them.

Get support fostering confidence and resilience in your anxious child.

While these strategies are a great place to start, they're not a replacement for getting professional help for social anxiety.

As a child counselor in the greater Los Angeles area, I've seen firsthand how powerful therapy can be in helping young people cope with anxious feelings. It can be life-changing to have a therapeutic relationship with another trusted adult in their life, even if they already have strong connections with parents, teachers, and other loved ones.

By combining evidence-based therapy practices with a supportive, non-judgmental approach, I'm dedicated to helping your child learn more about themselves, navigate their anxiety, and ultimately become happier, healthier versions of themselves.

Ready to see how therapy can help your little one? Connect with me today.

About the Author:

Brooke Sundin, LMFT

Owner and Therapist at Light Minds Child and Family Therapy

Based in Los Angeles, Brooke Sundin, LMFT, specializes in helping children, teens, young adults, and parents navigate anxiety, OCD, self-esteem issues, and major life transitions. As the founder of Light Minds, she combines over 10 years of experience with evidence-based tools to help clients get "unstuck." She currently provides telehealth therapy services to families across California, Florida, and Utah.

Learn More About Brooke